Something Funny Happened (Long Post, Be Warned)

[Alexander]

I was born. Buh-dum-tiss.
(A TL;DR is at the very bottom)

Heya all my community members (well, it could be former members now isn't it? A few months have passed) and those miscellaneous few who happen to browse these boards in guest mode, itsa me! The account says Alexander, but I had a few other accounts on here. Seeker of Retribution, Hayden, Hayden Keegan, SU-17b, possibly one or two more that I don't really recall. The other big one was Game Master.

Fun fact: that was supposed to be a secret. I never really wanted people to find out that any of those accounts were tied to Game Master because I worried that people would act different in roleplay with me. Unfortunately, I am hilariously bad at keeping secrets once I start to gather that they don't matter that much. You guys weren't a dense bunch. You talked. You think about things and stuff and other whatnots. It took five seconds for that to become obvious to people who didn't already know.

You might be wondering why I made this post. "Oh, maybe he's coming back," you say with stars in your eyes, "to straighten out those assholes that he likes enough to leave in charge (you guys aren't assholes <3 usually <3)".

Let me burst your bubble if that is your thought. Not happening. I'll get to why soon. But, this is your chance to back out. I have a lot to say.

No, I'm making this post because it is something I always meant to make. This is my retirement post, a little late. Okay, very late. You have me with my pants down. I wanted to hand this site down in October of 2015 because I realized my life was about to get very chaotic. I had already observed what happens to a site whose leadership wasn't really a leader, and I was absolutely worried, terrified, anxious, ect. because I did not want to be that leader that killed the site. I'm actually okay with an RP Forum Community that limps until its next stride, as long as it is actually limping somewhere notably farther than where it was. And despite my modest efforts, even as real life gripped me, I found it really hard to let go. I worry that the reason activity has waned even with me gone is because I waited too long. I'm not torn up over an uncertainty, but I do think about it often.

It has to be stressed: time passes us by differently on the internet. For a forum to make it a few months is pretty astounding in an era of over-saturation, never mind a forum based on a property that isn't very popular with this crowd like it once was. The Kingdom Hearts scene stopped being its biggest around 2010. Now here you guys are, a website that's basically a year and a half-old, and its still (largely) in play. If you guys are still here when summer kicks in, with enough efforts from the community you could even see a huge boon in membership. If we get any news about a KHIII release date (ha), about three-four days after its release a flood of new and old Roleplayers, some your age and some possibly even younger, will be available for all the KH sites still operating. Its not going to particularly matter what kind of system the site has (functional is the only requirement) but whether or not the community is worth being in.

And last time I was here, while we had our differences, you guys usually managed a way to work it out and keep on.

Let me stress again: life passes us by so much differently on the internet. If you observe a sense of oppia at all, you realize that every person behind a computer screen has a life with as many complexities as yours, with as many thoughts as you have, all the time. And in a few months, lives can change drastically. I went from electronics recycling to a wonderfully rewarding job with developmentally disabled adults. This job has afforded me friends, plenty of money to live on, and even a house that I co-own with very trusted partners.

So, I've been able to think. I want to reveal my full intentions behind Mirage Hearts and why it was created, what I was going through, what has happened since then and how I see that now.

I did not make Mirage Hearts for a community. Which is weird, given how I've pitched staff as a service for the members and not a governing body in my tenure here. I believe it turned out that way during that time, and I believe that my actions showed that this was my goal. And it ultimately was my goal, but the goal did not come about because of a sincere love of a community. I cared for and still do care for you all a lot, both people I've met and people I've never seen. That is not to say that some of you aren't overbearing, irritating, aggressive or delusion but I am also these things from time to time and just like me, you all have so much more to you and all kinds of potential that being barely in your twenties or almost there you've not tapped yet.

I made Mirage Hearts because I needed control and validation. After being burned by people I trusted and people who were in power over me for literally most of my life the final straw came from the other site for me and I'll be the first to admit that despite my intentions I made grievously cruel choices to hurt people for the sake of pragmatism and planning. Did those plans pan out? Yes. Was it worth it? Matter of opinion. Do I regret it? About twice a day I wonder if the people I hurt then would have forgiven me without multiple interventions from other parties. I suck at people, is how I will playfully explain it. And despite my goal of community, I didn't think Mirage Hearts would last that golden few months, let alone three months after I left. I am very happy that it is. I regret not designing the system for longevity. It took about a day to draw up, and because of that I cursed successive staff to constantly need to re-evaluate and revise a meta that I allowed to get too big way too quickly.

Mirage Hearts was made because I was angry and wrathful. I wanted to do something and better than the last one I had seen. This experience taught me that sometimes, despite how we may regret going about them, those emotions that we think are bad can sometimes make awesome things. Basically, I hatefucked KHRPG and made this Forum. Romance in its most pure form.

I lost a few friends to this whole thing. Not the site, but the me I became when I ran it. Not that I was wrong in every instance. In at least one well known and pervasive case I called most of what was going to happen and then finally, after two and a half months of boiling, got to unload righteously. That was great. But in some cases? I fear I overreacted or underreacted and put people off. I'll never really be able to feel sorry enough for that in the same way that a person hard-of-hearing can't appreciate the clearer sound of Bluray vs DVDs, or a person with bad vision can't appreaciate the higher image quality of Bluray vs DVDs, or people who still only have DVD players can't appreciate either of the cited superior qualities of Bluray or the fact that some Bluray Players even come with services like Netflix pre-installed.

Yet here we are. This beast a sad, hateful man dreamed up became beauty by the hands of everybody who ever touched it. Their finger prints are all over this forum. It could die tomorrow, and barring something happening with the Wayback Machine everything hear will be preserved forever. And that's one of the reasons I will not be returning in any active fashion to Mirage Hearts. Don't get me wrong- I look at this site at least once a week and just peek at forums. I look at things in the portal. But I have ideas for RPing and the rules for this system built with members and staff that I don't want to argue about or force on whoever is still here and whoever comes after. Like I said, time passes differently on the internet, and I started roleplaying on May 12th, 2012 on KHRPG to run from something that I still haven't completely shook off. Its been almost four years, and in that time I've been an administer on nine different websites, at least three of which are still active(counting this). I've been staff of some kind on thirteen. I've RP'd on around twenty-ish give or take one or two. Aside from this site and also not counting sites that weren't mine I admin'd on, I've made twelve different forums and some of these were only experiments. A lot of them were never mentioned or shown. Some were.

On the internet I'm not even four years old and yet I've done a lot, played with a lot. More is accomplished in a shorter time in a digital world when you're busy running from what reality has to offer. That's not even to say that is the only reason more gets done, but it was certainly mine.

Another reason is that I don't do good with change, because I mistrust those more powerful than me. I feel roped, cornered, impeded, and sometimes even persecuted over undeniably stupid things. I literally tried to make a character on KHRPG once that was just immune to shit like Lava (not even for Onyx, though it was in that Era, and mineonlyworkedonreallavahiswasMAGICLAVAsoshutit) and was salty that I couldn't have it. Yeah, that's weird, childish entitlement but those episodes do happen to me. They haven't happened recently, but I also have not been in that position either. No proof of currently being a cause, but past correlation gives me reason to suspect that my active return will damage ties (especially because the meta on MP pools changed SoR noooooo you were so beautiful).

I want you all to know that I'll still be around, still be on Skype, and I'll even still check messages on this account from time to time (we'll say once a week at least). This account, because, its a reference to how I started RPing. Alexander was my first RP character. It is fitting that this account is my lingering sentiment. If somebody has my skype and another person happens to desire it, feel free to pass it along. Same with phone number, email, and definitely pictures of my dog. Cough. Just think of me as a Force Ghost from Star Wars.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[TL;DR]
My existence is a punchline, Hello by Adele to all of you, I was totally the Batman, this is my retirement post but late, I also retired late and *may* have doomed the site my b, I hatefucked KHRPG after it broke my heart and had this mindbaby birthed from my brainpussy, it had a goal of community but was created to fuck over Yima and make me feel better, it has evolved into something far more beautiful and I'm glad, I regret my lacking consideration for longevity and leaving staff with a massive meta and complicated system, I'm pretty seasoned and still bad at change so I won't be actively coming back, implied that I have a pretty big ego with a huge post talking mostly about myself in relation to the site rather than the site, no really my dog takes cute pictures get some.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

In closing, I've made a bunch of errors. A bunch. But Mirage Hearts is probably the most proud I've ever been of one of my accidents. It proves that the sum of its parts aren't the parts it started with, but the parts all of you lent it. And frankly, you guys don't really need me anymore. You haven't needed me since about the middle  of October last year, and I was just getting too busy to see it right then. And if something does happen, and no more new members come while all the old ones leave that'll be alright. Do you know why?

I like to recall a quote by a certain famous author. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I cannot remember the books I've read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.”

For all the time many of you gave Mirage Hearts before leaving, the time that those logged in still give this forum, and the time those just browsing right this second may taking to read this bastard post, whether you know it or not, you've each gotten something back. Its up to you guys to discover what that is, and then determine its worth. If you all leave Mirage Hearts tomorrow, Mirage Hearts lives on in tiny part inside of you guys. Right up until the moment you die tomorrow, in ten months, in ten years, or even one-hundred years you don't even need to remember this place. It left its fingers prints upon your hearts as well.

I apologize for the sap, but suck my dick if it bothers you <3 this has been coming for a while, so I'll excuse the amount of melodrama in it for myself.

--Ever Yours,
Alexander, Cain, Hayden, Jake, Paragon, Riley Oran, XIII
Game Master
Blue

[Changeling]

I apologize for the sap, but suck my dick if it bothers you <3 this has been coming for a while

Uhhh... might want to get that checked out

===
===

No matter the reason for the site's creation, you rounded up some good people, and even allowed someone like me who knew absolutely nothing about the game to fit in and get by, so its not all bad.